I win.

I have made a decision.

After my recent post, I have decided I need to do something with myself. The way I live is not healthy. I mean, I eat plenty and I'm at a healthy weight, but in my heart I don't think I'm being very healthy. And that was the whole point of this, right? To be healthy. And that's what I want to do when I grow up, I want to help people be healthy. Well I can't help people if I don't help myself. It's time to start over, to end this frustrating cycle and to get control over what I eat. I'm writing in hopes that this time, the blog might make an impact in my life. It might help motivate me. I'm done with punishing myself for eating a cookie. I'm done restricting calories. I don't need a diet, I just need to be healthy. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to indulge endlessly on veggies and fruit, just like I normally would. I'm going to ignore that last bit of food on my plate if I know that I'm really not hungry, or the homemade bread my step dad brings home from his grandmother's as a late night snack. I'm going to make wise decisions, not punishing decisions. It's just food. We eat to live, and I'm done living to eat.

Honestly, that's my biggest problem. I don't stop eating when I'm not hungry anymore. And shit, I'm getting into the whole... blog like post and I didn't want to be. xD What I really wanted to do was post my goals. Goals that will take more than a few weeks, and will be a lot harder than motivating myself to get up and do some aerobics.

1. I will eat, live, and be as healthy as I can possibly be.
2. I am going to exercise daily, something that I am going to get back in the habit of doing. Besides, the doctor said my cholesterol was out of whack.
3. I am not trying to change the number on the scale, I am trying to change the number on the measuring tape. That means I will weigh more, with more muscle, and be smaller.
4. I am going to stop obsessing so much over how MUCH I eat. I can eat as much as I feel necessary, until I'm full.
5. While I am allowed to eat as much as I would like, that does not mean on cookies, cake, processed foods or sugars. I will stay away from them as much as physically and mentally possible.
6. I will remain a vegetarian for the rest of my life.
7. I am not going to read another label again, because the food I eat does not have any ingredient in it except what it is.
8. I will not punish myself for treating myself to something nice.
9. I will stop calling myself fat. I am not fat. I am normal. I am perfectly fine the way I am.
10. I will be happy with whatever I reach in life.

And while many of my readers are friends in my life, I encourage you to slap me when I am not enforcing these new 'laws' for myself. It's been a very long road for me, guys, and your support is everything I could ever want. Thank you guys. You've been there for me, all this time, no matter who I was or what I looked like or even how ridiculous I've acted. And while I know he doesn't read, or ever will, thank you Blake. You started all of this. I started for you, but I'm ending the journey for myself.

I made it, guys.