The Sad Truth.

So while resting this morning, something on tv disgusted me.

Millions of dollars are put into ads and commercials on television every year. The sad part is, it's never someone saying "Enjoy the health benefits of fruits and veggies!" or "Put down that candy bar and have an apple!" All I see is McDonalds, sugary cereals, and chewy fruit candies being advertised.

Does America know it's being poisoned?

We live in a toxic, dishonest country who cares nothing more than of the thickness off their wallets and purses.

Emotion.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling right now.

It's been a very strange day. I didn't feel very well, and for a good portion of my morning I had no appetite. I felt naseous earlier today when I went to bookstore. I felt naseous before I left. I felt naseous when I got home, and ate for the sake of getting something in my stomach. After I ate, I felt alright, so maybe I was just hungry.

I don't know.

My mood is kind of down right now. I feel very lonely in my life. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family, and very close friends who I talk to daily, a loving boyfriend, but what is important are the people I'm surrounded by here... There really are none. Perhaps its just the summer that has got me feeling this way, because generally, I don't spend much time with anyone. Perhaps it's my own doing? Sometimes I feel like I'm not wanted; I feel like sometimes people make excuses to not see me. It hurts my feelings, but maybe it's just me over reacting. I'd like to think so.

I wish my boyfriend lived here. I cannot even begin to explain how wonderful it was to have someone with me all the time, loving me, supporting me, and always wanting to be around me. That same feeling is never fulfulled by friends or family; Maybe that is because when you're in love, you're much more devoted to a person. I guess that's why he wanted to be with me. Friendship and family love is much different than... normal love? I don't really know how to explain it.

I think us humans surround ourselves with people so that we don't really feel lonely all the time. In reality, though, the loneliness will always be there. It's kind of a depressing thought, and honestly I'm usually a pretty positive person. I'm not sure what it is today that has got me so down.

People contradict themselves frequently, I have noticed. I don't really want to speak of my experiences with those people, but I just thought I might mention that.

I am going to blame myself. I am probably the reason no one wants to see me, hang out, or spend time with me. My excessive laziness and disinterested in anything but what I want to do probably gets the best of me and ruins anyone else's want to see me. I don't blame them. Maybe I'm selfish.

I'm sorry.

On a completely different note, I am going to start a fast. I've read and researched many benefits of doing such and have decided that it might be best with how horrible I am feeling as of late. I just feel sick, all the time. Fasting has proven to cure many diseases, so if it's something minor that's bothering me I'm sure it will go away. Don't worry, I've talked to my mom about it and I'm under complete supervision incase something goes wrong. So for now my posting of foods I eat will be paused -- I won't be eating -- but I'm not sure for how long. I just know, detoxing the body for a while will make me feel better.

Day one begins now.

The Progress Begins.

2.2 pounds in a week.

I would say, I'm proud of myself. That's about average as to what you're supposed to lose weekly and I'm FINALLY back on track. Now that I'm in the 129 range again, I'm in weight loss mode!

What really helped was eating healthy. Not only did I lose weight, but I usually have a hard time digesting things that aren't natural, like bread and processed foods and that causes bloating. I can't even begin to tell you how great I felt on Wednesday, eating nothing but fruit all morning. No bloat, no pains, and I could actually FEEL when I was hungry. I usually just follow the clock to know when to eat because I never really feel hunger. But Wednesday was totally different. To anyone who suffers from digestion issues, you should definitely try cutting out all foods that aren't natural (even meat, because those put a stress on your digestion) and eat lots of fruits, veggies, and nuts. Even after one day, I bet you'll feel like a whole new person.

But with that sad, I'm proud of my progress this week, even though I had a few mess ups. :)

Go Veg.

I'm done.

No more fad diets. No more Atkins. No more South Beach. No more crazy shit that helped me lose weight here and there, but nothing I ever could stick to. No more. The only thing that ever really helped, boosted my energy, and made me feel thin was being a vegetarian. So that's what I'm going back to doing.

Back to, you say? One reason why I had stopped being a vegetarian:

I ran into a little illness a while back while I was a veg, and had some stomach/digestion problems. Instantly I assumed it may have been the lack of meat (Not protein, because I was getting plenty from yogurt and nuts) so I just started eating that. I was kind of an idiot to assume that because I still felt like shit even after reintroducing it. Not to mention meat is extremely harsh on the digestive system when eaten in large amounts. After a consultation with my doctor, she predicted it may be mild IBS due to all the stress I had been going through, and it was common in my family. So once the problem was solved I never really thought to go back to my ways because vegetarianism wasn't what caused it.

But now I know, I need to.

So hoorah, I'm an over night vegetarian again and all of you can chuckle at me. But hey, if it works, it works and I can't emphasize how good I felt as a vegetarian. Meat is so heavy on the stomach and it's not good for digestion anyway. I actually was busy reading all about veggies and fruits from this website today and if anyone else is interested in their benefits, check it out. Every time I look up the importance of fruit and veggies, I always somehow end up at this site.

The Fruit Pages

In other news, I can gladly announce that I have purchased a new measuring tape so I can FINALLY start posting measurements. I was somewhat debating as to whether I should post them weekly, every two weeks, every three weeks or every month. I think monthly would show the most results and be more of a comparison. I'll figure it out sometime soon.

For now, I'm going to decide what I'm going to eat for breakfast tomorrow. Pineapple sounds delightful. :)

Fuck you, Dr. Atkins.

Thanks to the kitten, I'm awake at 6 am again. *sigh*

It's extremely frustrating when you do everything right one day, work hard and stay away from that creme puff that looks DELICIOUS, and you don't lose but a mere .4 of a pound. It's probably because I've lost so much weight already, and I'm just used to pounds dropping off daily.

Well I'm feeling very shitty today. I didn't lose much weight, I seriously feel like I have a cold, and I'm craving something delicious. Ugh. I hate food.

I'm going back to sleep.

Who is that?

So for me, this was a surprise.

I had never really gone back and compared pictures when I was fat to pictures of me now. Mostly because I didn't really have any and secondly, I would have preferred not to look back at myself. *Shudder*

But today I was browsing mom's computer and came upon some old pictures of my fourteenth birthday. I'm assuming this was when I was at my highest because it was two years ago. I decided to do a little experiment and see how much things have changed. I think it's a bit of a reward after thinking I've still been seeing the same fat girl in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm still not perfect, but I'm surprised at myself.

Everyone says that I don't give myself as much credit as I deserve. I think I need to worry a little less about what I look like now, and be proud of it instead. I've come a long way, I really have. By no means is this the end, or have I reached my goal. For now, this is all I can post as far as a before and after and hopefully I'll have something even more impressive in the end. :)

Wish me luck.

New Idea.

So I was exploring a few blog sites out of boredom and I came upon one that was similar to mine. It gave me an idea as to how to add a little more to my blog and watch my process more intently. And maybe to keep on track considering I haven't really done a good job.

Whenever something relates to the computer, I usually have an easier time doing it because I spend most of my time around the computer through out the day. I used a trial program called Weight By Date which worked WONDERS for me because it was a food journal on my computer. But with every trial, there must come an end... and a payment. So I stopped using it.

So my idea is to start using my blog as a bit of a food journal. I'll have my daily posts with my thoughts, how I'm feeling, how things are going, but along the side bar I'll keep a weeks worth of records of what I ate and my weight.

Maybe those of you who are reading might be interested in how I'm doing it exactly. So I'm doing this for me, and maybe for you. :]

What the cat dragged home.

And so, the cat has returned.

News?

There's really none to share. I'm still 129, thankfully. Somehow I managed to eat like a 300 pound person and still not gain a pound. It probably has something to do with the fact that I was out and about and on my feet all the time. The least I can say is that I'm happy. :)

I'm hoping that by the end of next month I'll be around 120. Now that vacation is pretty much over, I'm getting this rear into gear and working out.

I don't have much to say, so, I'll post later with something else.

The Garden State.

And so, I'm returning with some bad news. Bad news for the reader, amazing news for me.

I'd ask you personally which you'd like to hear first but I'm going to choose for you, since I can't really get anyone's input while writing this at this very moment.

Let's go with the bad news first.

I'm going away for the end of the week and the weekend. Off to New Jersey, to do some visiting to my boyfriend and my father. I may in fact bring my laptop, but even if I do, I doubt I'll be doing any posting.

Good news?

That. Hahah. I'm so excited. Well, that and the fact that I've managed to weasel my way down to 129.4 with calorie counting. That was down from 134 when I started the blog last monday. :) I'd LOVE to post measurements but that darn tape is STILL hiding.

Sorry to anyone who might be looking forward to reading (whew, big doubts there) but I'll be out of town. While I'm happy, sorry about the bad news to the readers. I hope I don't come back with some more bad news.. (Aka, a few extra pounds!)

Missing In Action.

So I've come across a problem.

I promised measurements each week to show my improvements but considering I CANNOT find the darn measuring tape, I'm in a bit of a pickle. I probably won't be posting blogs with measurements until I get one, and god knows when that will be. But, I'll still throw up the usual blog or so, like I have been doing.

There's probably a reason I haven't found the tape, because I've been lazy this week and actually haven't done much exercising. I don't know why but lately it just feels like a chore. :\

Someone slap me into motivation.

Midnight Blurbs... And Swimming.

Sometimes, I think, going out and acting like you feel good about yourself, really changes how you look on the outside.

Usually, I'm not one to jump at the chance to go to any sort of pool get together. Bathing suit + me = Well, discomfort, to say in the least. But I was invited today, and I went. I've never been night swimming, but I hung around till about midnight and I have to admit it was fun.

Not once did I wrap myself in a towel and sit in a chair. I was all over the diving board and sitting on the side of the pool. I actually felt like I was kind of attractive. xD

In a way, I'm proud of myself.

It was probably a one time thing, because the feeling faded when I got home and looked in the mirror. :P

Shopping.

Shopping when I was a kid was a nightmare.

I remember, everything I tried on was either too big, too small, too short, too tight, too this, too that. Nothing ever fit right, and because of my size I didn't really have a particular place to shop at. I'm not sure how my mom put up with me, but kudos to the poor lady!

Two years later, I find myself shopping at Hollister for a size small.

I'm not sure if anyone reading this can empathize, but that is the greatest feeling in the world. So when I decide to eat something with a little extra sugar in it one day, I don't have to beat myself up so bad knowing that I've come as far as I have so far, and have accomplished so much already.

To those of you that are dieting, let yourself have that day off. :)

Or in my case, a whole fucking week. xDDD

. <---- This thing.

Ugh. I hate being a girl.

And when I say that, any other female who happens to be reading this blog will surely know what I'm talking about. And when it comes to this week, all sweets are irresistible to us. My fear is that when I finally decide to eat healthy(healthier than I have been lately, lol), I'll have a hard time with all these cravings. >.<;

So for breakfast I've had pineapple. I'm okay so far!

Any suggestions on how to eat healthy, fill my cravings, but not add on those extra calories?

Maybe I'll google it.

Simply Crepes.

So, regardless of being American, I have to say I absolutely LOVE French crepes.

Foreign food is usually sooo delicious, but I couldn't tell ya why. It just is. So today, I took a trip to a restaurant twenty minutes away called Simply Crepes. And I think a better name for it would be "Simply FUCKING Amazing Food".

If you've never heard of them before, Crepes are like a thin pancake sort of thing, and are usually filled with fruit, meat, veggies, or anything you could think of really. The batter is usually slightly sweet, and in my opinion, the best way to have them is with sausage on the inside, with some syrup drizzled over it. Mmmmm.

Before I start drooling and wanting more, my point of writing was that I actually got a total kick out of the waitress. She was funny, and when I ordered my meal, she kept making jokes about everything being calorie free or how nothing at all was fattening. Of course, the entire menu was the exact opposite. It must have been a sign that I needed to get my butt outta there.

I didn't.

I ended up ordering something with raspberries in it. And then of course had desert. Well, the taste made up for how loaded with calories it was.

Wait. I think I missed the point of this blog again today.

Shit.

Not Your Typical Mammal.

Why is it, that unlike most other mammals, us humans lack the ability to eat only when we are hungry?

I recently brought a new kitten into the house. She's a grayish brown tiger cat, and I named her Semira. But that's beside the point. For a while, I was feeding her milk and her schedule to eat was like clockwork. Five AM, breakfast. Ten AM, brunch. Four PM, lunch. Eight PM, Dinner. Occasionally she'd bother me at 11 PM for a midnight snack, but usually not. Now putting aside the fact that I really hated how she woke me up so early in the morning to feed her, I some how wonder what sort of instict it is that an animal has that tells them when they need to eat and when they don't.

Oh yeah, their stomach.

Now why is it, that us humans, regardless of our appetites, eat when we are not hungry? I won't lie, I eat when I'm bored. I'm sure this kitten is bored too, because half the time when she tries to play and bite me, I shoo her. But I don't see her running to her food dish. It's as if America has adopted eating as a hobby.

I'd say, it's a really nasty habit that humans have become accustomed to.
That I have become accustomed to.
Bah. Food. Ugh.

If It Tastes Good, It Ain't Good.

I've realized that being stressed over something really alters my eating habits.

Some days, I could eat an elephant because I'm so flustered over something that's going on. Other days, I won't feel like eating a single thing because of my mood, and then when something DOES grab my attention and sparks my appetite, it's usually something fattening and filled with sugar. I guess I'm the stereotypical chick who grabs a tub of ice cream and sobs her eyes out while trying to deal with something stressful. :P

And with those kind of eating habits, plus a dramatic life... Well, let's say that sticking to something like a weight loss/exercise plan is not exactly a cake walk.

My largest meal today was probably from the local ice cream shoppe. Cookie dough... Mmmm.

I have no regrets. :)

I KNOW, I KNOW. I should. *facedesk*

The Beginning

In today's society, I would say that it isn't exactly easy for the average teenage girl to fit in. Trust me, I'm sixteen, I completely and entirely relate to all of you teenage girls that might be reading this.

Honestly, society disgusts me. What is portrayed to be 'beautiful' and 'sexy' in the eyes of the media, would be considered sickly in the eyes of a doctor. And the question that's been on my mind for the longest time now is: Who the hell came up with the idea that visible bones, tiny chests, and shapeless bodies were attractive?

Not any guy I know, that's for sure.

It's only natural, though, that women of all sorts look at these models and say, "Hey, I want to look like that." Rationally thinking, that's impossible. No human is at all identical, and that applies to our body shape. Sorry to break it to you girls, none of you will end up looking exactly like your idol, no matter how hard you try. But I do have good news. Just because we might not look like that 'beach babe' on page 24 of your weekly mag, doesn't mean we aren't attractive.

It took me a really long time to come to that realization. I'll be honest with you, I was at one point the last thing any girl would want to be in their life. The one thing that makes you not want to leave your house. The one thing that makes you not want to meet your friends at the lake to go swimming. I was the one thing that society looked down upon. Fat. A 180 pound blob of fat, at age 13.

Surprise.

The point of the blog? Well, even though I've managed it this far, down to 130 pounds at age 16, I'm still not done. And wait, before you go saying, "130?! Girl, you ain't got anymore to lose!".

You're probably wondering how in hell I managed to lose 50 pounds. Sometimes, I wonder how it happened too, because it felt like I did it almost effortlessly. Just a change in my eating habits was enough to drop off 50 of those dreaded pounds. Soda? See ya. Daily sweets? Adios. Processed Food? kbye! Ditching those things might seem like quite a chore, but let me assure you, it's not. While you leave all the nasty junk in the dust, you really do learn to love all the healthy alternatives.

Fruit. Fruit was my best friend while trying to lose weight. When I put a halt to all the chocolate, candy, and pastries I put into my mouth, I still desperately craved something sweet. While an apple a day might not keep the doctor away, it sure keeps my icky sugar cravings away.

Later on, once you've been 'off' the bad sugars for a while, you almost grow to dislike them anyway. Sometimes I find myself getting stomach aches now from the simplest of sweets, like frosted cake. Soda just is not refreshing anymore. Read the labels on some of those processed foods you eat. I don't know about you, but ingredients that have more letters than the alphabet in it, does not sound edible to me.

So finally, to the point.

My goal: Lose ten pounds of pure body fat.

It sounds easier than it is, trust me. Since I have no real way of calculating it unless I meet with professionals, I'll have to go by measurements. We'll see how that goes. Maybe I'll get lucky and my mom will pay for a trainer. Hahah. I can dream can't I?

Well, as a conclusion, I'll post my measurements and then repost weekly to see how I'm coming along. :) Although I'm sure a few more posts will be up within that time, if I have something interesting to talk about that relates. Hopefully blogging will keep me on track! Wish me luck.

Height - 5'4"

Chest/Bust - 34"
Waist - 28.5"
Hips/Butt - 36.5"
Bicep - 11.5"
Forearm - 8.5"
Thigh - 22.5"
Calf - 14"