Miserable.

I'm so pissed off right now.
I hate boys.
I need a banana. I need some B vitamins. -_-
Anti-depressant fruit ftw.

Slim in 6.

I noticed that a lot of people like to take a product, use it, and then do some sort of review on it to show those who want to buy it if it's any good.

A while ago, my mom bought this dvd aerobics video called Slim-In-6 weeks. I've used it before - No! It didn't just collect dust like most traditional aerobics do! - but only for about a week and a half. Regardless, I got amazing results anyway. I lost at least an inch everywhere on my body, in just a week! Why did I stop? I'm 16 years old, I got bored. :P

My goal is to use it for the full six weeks this time, and see what sort of results I get. At the same time, I'll write a review for those of you online who might be interested in it. I bought it on tv, but I'm pretty sure if you're interested, you can pay and get it online here. I'd recommend waiting until after my review to consider it.

I'm not starting today, I'm starting tomorrow. Monday's are always good starting days. Aside from that, my mom promised she'd do the routine with me, as a way of keeping each other going. And of course, it's always "We'll start tomorrow." with my mom. Hahah. But hopefully I'll get her into it and she'll stick to it. I'm debating on doing a before and after picture, because all the cool kids do it. We'll see. Even if I do, I won't post the before and after until I'm done.

So my overall goals are this (we all know I MUST blog them or they won't get finished, or rather there's a better chance they'll get finished :P):

1. Tone up my abs.
2. Tone up my back.
3. Tone up my arms.
4. Tone up my thighs.

They aren't fat... Just squishy. :P So here's to another goal, and hopefully one that I will finish. I'll post results every week, and then a total after the six weeks.

Boy is it going to be a long month and a half.

I win.

I have made a decision.

After my recent post, I have decided I need to do something with myself. The way I live is not healthy. I mean, I eat plenty and I'm at a healthy weight, but in my heart I don't think I'm being very healthy. And that was the whole point of this, right? To be healthy. And that's what I want to do when I grow up, I want to help people be healthy. Well I can't help people if I don't help myself. It's time to start over, to end this frustrating cycle and to get control over what I eat. I'm writing in hopes that this time, the blog might make an impact in my life. It might help motivate me. I'm done with punishing myself for eating a cookie. I'm done restricting calories. I don't need a diet, I just need to be healthy. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to indulge endlessly on veggies and fruit, just like I normally would. I'm going to ignore that last bit of food on my plate if I know that I'm really not hungry, or the homemade bread my step dad brings home from his grandmother's as a late night snack. I'm going to make wise decisions, not punishing decisions. It's just food. We eat to live, and I'm done living to eat.

Honestly, that's my biggest problem. I don't stop eating when I'm not hungry anymore. And shit, I'm getting into the whole... blog like post and I didn't want to be. xD What I really wanted to do was post my goals. Goals that will take more than a few weeks, and will be a lot harder than motivating myself to get up and do some aerobics.

1. I will eat, live, and be as healthy as I can possibly be.
2. I am going to exercise daily, something that I am going to get back in the habit of doing. Besides, the doctor said my cholesterol was out of whack.
3. I am not trying to change the number on the scale, I am trying to change the number on the measuring tape. That means I will weigh more, with more muscle, and be smaller.
4. I am going to stop obsessing so much over how MUCH I eat. I can eat as much as I feel necessary, until I'm full.
5. While I am allowed to eat as much as I would like, that does not mean on cookies, cake, processed foods or sugars. I will stay away from them as much as physically and mentally possible.
6. I will remain a vegetarian for the rest of my life.
7. I am not going to read another label again, because the food I eat does not have any ingredient in it except what it is.
8. I will not punish myself for treating myself to something nice.
9. I will stop calling myself fat. I am not fat. I am normal. I am perfectly fine the way I am.
10. I will be happy with whatever I reach in life.

And while many of my readers are friends in my life, I encourage you to slap me when I am not enforcing these new 'laws' for myself. It's been a very long road for me, guys, and your support is everything I could ever want. Thank you guys. You've been there for me, all this time, no matter who I was or what I looked like or even how ridiculous I've acted. And while I know he doesn't read, or ever will, thank you Blake. You started all of this. I started for you, but I'm ending the journey for myself.

I made it, guys.

Food Is An Addiction.

Whenever I hear the phrase "eating disorder" I think anorexia or bulimia or someone who is extremely overweight.

But what I've started to consider lately, is this: Could it be possible that there is something in between? A person who suffers from both, indulging and punishment from food. Someone who maintains a normal healthy weight, but it's due to a long chain of indulging and then punishing. Indulge. Punish. You get the point.

I wonder, because sometimes I think I might have a disorder. I think about food all the time, I love to eat. Is that normal though? Lots of people love food, and they aren't over weight. Is that normal?

Then there are times where I don't eat. Sometimes I'm not hungry. Sometimes I just think I don't need it. Sometimes there's nothing healthy enough that I'd consider putting in my mouth. Is that normal? Should normal people eat that way?

I'm just very confused. I've lived my whole life picking and choosing, eating and not eating, planning and spontaneity when it comes to food. I think I might have an eating disorder. But I am not fat. And I am not underweight. So would it honestly be considered a disorder?

Sorry if it's random, but it was just a sudden thought. I wonder if one day I'll figure it out. Any input?

Fail.

So I lied. Blogging does not get anything done.

And since I have limited time to write, considering school is calling, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm a failure.

Hooray.

But you all still love me, and for a while, I did stick to my plan. But then I couldn't avoid things like going out to eat, I was forced. So I ate. Because you wouldn't just sit there and watch someone eat, would you? NO.

Kay, so I'm off to school. But the good news is, I'm going back on track for the rest of the weekend. So, buh bye for nao!

New plans.

The only way to really get things done is the blog them.

I'm not sure why, but whenever I blog that I'm going to do something, I almost always follow through with it. Perhaps it's the fact that the reader might be looking forward to results? Or maybe I'm just too much of a show off to want to fail at what I said I was going to finish. Regardless, here's my plan for the next few days.

Week 1:
Monday: A fast day. Along with that, to kick start the metabolism, I'm going to do 25 minute aerobics in the morning, and 30 minute jog after school, and possible a 30 minute walk with the parents after their dinner.
Tuesday: Another fast day. The routine will generally be the same as Monday, unless I have plans or go do something.
Wednesday: Fruits, veggies, and soymilk as far as meals. My calorie intake will be at around 1000. Simply for the pure fact that when I'm eating only veggies and fruits, its decently hard to get up into that range. As far as my exercise routine, it shall follow the same pattern as previous days.
Thursday: Routine remains the same. As far as calories, I'll boost it up to 1200.
Friday: Fruits, veggies, soy, and some wheat products(very few). Exercise routine remains the same. Calorie intake is no more than 1400.
Saturday: Fruits, veggies, soy. Exercise as usual. No more than 1300 calories.
Sunday: Fruits, veggies. Exercise as usual. No more than 1100 calories.

And then when Monday rolls around again, I'll start the week off the same. For now, let's just see if I can stick to this.

rofl.

I'm such a failure.

Alive.

So apparently, according to my friend Jen, the girl up in the banner somewhat looks like me. Which baffled me, because I really don't agree. But regardless, if anyone needs an image of how I look(minus the face)I guess refer to that image. xD

Anyway. It's been quite a while since I've actually written a new post, but I noticed a few of my readers and many of those that I'm subscribed to have returned. Thus, I am back as well. New post time!

Uh. I had something in mind to talk about but I'm forgetting as I'm typin- Oh wait. I remember.

Fasting. I know I kind of like... stopped with the updates of how my fast went. Sorry to anyone who might have been curious. The longest that I managed a fast was for about three days. My weight would range between 122 to 127. I have to say, it was hard not to binge. While over all, my digestion problem seems to have vanished which I was ecstatic about, but sadly I'm lingering mostly at around 125. Something tells me I won't get much lower, and it's time to accept the fact that I'm done. Although I did feel really good while fasting, and I think that I might do it every now and then, for only a day, just to give my body a break to 'repair' itself.

School has been amaaazing. At first I was worried, but once getting back into the swing of things, I'm really starting to enjoy myself. Aside from homework and shit, being with my friends again is the greatest thing that's happened in a while. How is everyone else doing? I know a few of my readers(and my subscriptions)were having some post-school nervies. Hope those were all worked out.

Hm, what else? I thought I had something more to say, but I guess I don't.

It's Been Too Long.

Sadly, I haven't thrown up any new posts for multiple reasons.

1. I have been a very fat cow as far as food.

2. None of the blogs I'm following have been posting so I haven't really been on to check for updates.

3. I haven't found any new followers and have not been left any new comments.

4. I just like this number.

So, I figure this post will make up for lost posts. As I mentioned in my first reason, yes, I have been eating like a fat cow. But surprisingly, I have not gone past 125! It's magical! I don't know how or why but my body just gets rid of everything I eat entirely and I never gain a pound. It's nice.

I talked to my mom about fasting, a little more in depth, and she's going to let me try again. She's also doing it with me, so she knows exactly how I'm feeling, what I'm going through, in case she thinks I need to stop. I don't think any mom is that devoted to their child, not like mine. :) She's awesome.

And a tad bit of good news (and bad, I suppose) after fasting for a few days, my period seems to have regulated itself. For a while, it was very very random and it pissed me off because sometimes it would be late and sometimes it would be early and it really screwed with what I did with my life. But I got it today, on the exact day I should have, right on time in the morning. So that put a smile on my face this morning. :)

School starts in a couple days, and I'm nervous. Nervous, but very excited as well. People say I've changed, and after my last visit to the school, I have no doubt that I have. Not even my freshman year teachers recognized me, or even a girl that I used to know too! I hope I don't walk in and everyone is like "WHO IS THAT?". Yeah, that wouldn't be embarrassing or anything.

I guess that's all I have to rant about. All of the blogs I read need to start updating! D:

Measurements.

Well I am happy to announce the news finally.

New measurements!

Height - 5'4
Chest/Bust - 33
Waist - 27.5
Hips/Butt - 36
Bicep - 10.75
Forearm - 8.5
Thigh - 21.5
Calf - 14

And I've lost about 5 pounds total.
Five more pounds to reach my first goal.